They Helped Me Find My Heart
I'm a 43 year-old married woman with two children. I've been in church all my life. I love my family and I have faith in God, but I could never get away from the internal anxiety and constant chaos a simple day-to-day decision that needed to be made. My mind would be filled with thoughts of BOTH sides of every argument, possibilities and outcomes. It was impossible to have a thought to myself. I lived in a deep-seated malaise. Not knowing why I felt sorrow under every moment that "should have been" happy. I remember when my son was born....I was so filled with joy seeing his face! And feeling the warmth of his tiny body against mine. In that same moment I felt terror that I would lose him. I know it was unrealistic but the dread that he would be taken away from me remained for years.
Then three years later, my daughter was born. Again, the elation of seeing her tiny features and bonding to hear in intensive love brought a realization that I could NOT keep her safe from harm. This pervading unrealistic fear dropped me into a depth of fear and panic that effected my entire life for the next 10 years....It was in 2010 that I found out that I had repressed memories of childhood abuse.
My journey began! Five years of various "counselor" and prayer ministers during the onset of the journey to wholeness. I would get help...but then I'd hit the same wall. A wall of silence that would quickly fold into emotional chaos. I knew I needed help, but I found myself stalled out and internally guarded.
In 2015, through a friend I ended up at Discovering MErcy. The ministers who sat with me SAW me. They were able to see what I had long forgotten. They also heard me cry out in my silence! And they were "with" me. I FELT heard in silence, they helped me SEE in my blindness and I was able to learn the language of my heart long forgotten.
They helped me FIND my heart.
You see, the fear hid my heart! It was when I was seen, heard and loved that I could feel my heart yearn for the love. I no longer had to hide from love. I discovered ME in the midst of the mercy shown me through the love of being heard, seen and known. I am NOT bad, disgusting or defiled. I am still on a journey...but i have found that there is hope on the journey out of fear into love.
Learn more about Getting Started with Discovering Mercy.
Discover How to Adopt a Heart like Patricia to continue her path in healing.